Mental Health

Mental Health is not something that can be laughed at or ignored. Do not judge those who are suffering, do not make comments about how they should behave or feel and mostly, do not tell them that they can get over it and to feel better. All of the above are not comments people who are suffering from mental health want to hear.

There is a stigma surrounding mental health and those who are unfortunate enough to suffer from it. This stigma has made it difficult for sufferers as they are not portrayed correctly on television or are thought to be unstable people who sit at home self-harming all day. This is not the case. Like myself, many people are able to hold down jobs and have perfectly normal lives and social lives; they just have a darkness that can consume them.

I have been suffering for years. It took me over a decade to go to the doctors and admit that something was wrong – it was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. It was scary; telling someone that you are not feeling okay, that something was wrong in your head is terrifying. But I did it. The instant reaction: medication.

Medication is not the cure. Yes, it helps. It can help numb the thoughts and stop the darkness shrouding you, but it is not the answer. Medication has numbed me, has made me calmer and more relaxed and means that I am able to think about my actions (and I do not over spend anymore), but it doesn’t stop the thoughts from running through my mind. It does not take away the emptiness that I feel on a daily basis.

I need more than medication, but it is hard. I have been referred to psychotherapy but the waiting list is ridiculous. The doctor told me that he can expedite it and push me up the list, but I am not expecting anything before the year is up.

Anyway, that is it for me. I am unable to open up anymore, but I will continue to post reviews, random stuff and mental health posts.

Over and out.



One Christmas in Snowdonia

One Christmas in Snowdonia – Kelly Matthews

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This is a great Christmas story from Kelly Matthews. It is a novella that is light-hearted and funny. Kelly has created believable and lovable characters in a wonderful fictional town. I am not usually a Christmas person but this is one book that I am glad that I picked up and read. I loved the setting in the book and the story of Christmas. There is a true story of Christmas in this book and it was nice to see that coming through. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and did not see the twist at the end – it was definitely something that you do not expect, but was such a great read.

4 stars.

The Maze Runner Series – James Dashner

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The Maze Runner is a book that I have had on my bookshelf for years but had never gotten around to reading. Then one day I picked it up and started reading it. I found it gripping and found it difficult to put it down. I loved the concept of the maze and the grievers and I didn’t know where it was going to go next. I found myself coming to the end of the first book and really looking forward to reading the sequel. The Maze Runner was a tantalising read and I wanted to know what happened next.

However, The Scorch Trials didn’t tickle my book buds as much as I thought. It started to become a little weird and it was difficult to keep track of everything that was going on. I wasn’t as gripped with it, but I continued with it, sure that it would be get better again. I tried but it wasn’t as good as the first in the series was. I quickly finished the second book and picked up The Death Cure.

And this is where I found myself disliking the series. The final book in the series was extremely disappointing, it was boring and seemed that the author wrote it to just end the series and had not put the heart into it like the first book. The ending of the book was poor, and I put it down with a sigh, not wanting to read the prequels at all.

I didn’t even finish the second movie.

Overall, I was disappointed with this series. My interest dissipated as the books went on and I wanted to finish reading it for the sake of reading it.

2 Stars

To write, or not to write

Writing used to be a release for me; it was my way of escaping the troubles in my life. Mental health plagues me; seeps into every pore of my skin. The thoughts consume me daily, the darkness shrouds me. Writing helped with that. I could focus on the plot, the characters, the setting. I would type away the troubles, forgetting for that short time the woes that demanded attention. Lately, writing hasn’t been a vice for me. I haven’t written in such a long time. Not properly anyway. I am working on a project with a friend, but that does not require much effort other than watching one of my favourite television shows. I do not have much energy for anything other than work, gym and reading. I am turning into a big reader again; I love books in ways that I haven’t felt before.

Ideas are running through my mind daily, but I am not motivated to write them down or even think about turning them into a plot. I have scribbled some notes for an idea that is floating around in my head, but I scrumpled up the paper and threw it into the bin. As of late, writing is not something that I am motivated and inspired to do. I will try writing some blog posts and book reviews, but that will be the limit for now.

I will be posting more about the *secret* project in the near future so watch this space.

Thanks for reading.


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Charmed 20

For 14 years or so, I have been a fan of television show called Charmed, a show whose premise was about three sisters who happened to be witches, and their lives as they adjusted to their powers, and balancing saving the world and leading normal lives, and relationships. I got into the show in about 2002/2003, my first episode being about a sandman in season five. The show gripped me; although I didn’t enjoy that episode so much, it got me wanting to watch more. So, I started with Season 1 as it was being shown on tv and I found myself hooked. Christmas consisted of me having the first few seasons on DVD, which I binge watched.

Over the years, my obsession with the show grew and by 2005, I had even started a roleplay with friends, in which my character regularly bounced between Chris Halliwell and Kyle Brody. (Oh, those days were fun!). So, when it was announced that a convention would be held, featuring some of my favourite stars, my interest was piqued. The one star, however, that sold it for me was Drew Fuller – the one and only Chris Halliwell. Boy, was I excited that I would be getting to meet one of my teenage years crushes.

The months passed by and the convention got closer, I found myself volunteering and offering to help at the convention. My excitement grew as the day arrived. And then it arrived. May 5th. I awoke early, got myself ready and made my way to the con. I was told what my volunteering would be (covering the talks), but I offered to work more – I wanted to keep myself busy and ensure that I did not become bored.

So, it started, the opening ceremony came, and the celebrities went on stage. It was happening. They were here. On stage, near me. They disappeared off and I was rushed to the photoshoots where I would be spending the morning. First up was Dorian Gregory and Ivan Sergei. I stood there, anxiously, wondering what I would say when it was my time to meet them, hoping that I didn’t fangirl too much and screw everything up. And then Ivan was stood by me, hand held out, saying hi. Boy, oh boy. I shook his hand and talked to him. All the time internally drooling because the guy is gorgeous! How I envied Paige!

I worked the photoshoots, and even got my chance to have my picture taken with Ivan. After the photoshoots were done, it was time for a break and then the talks. I wandered around aimlessly, wishing that I was the one sitting with the stars, sitting around laughing and talking instead of staring from a distance. (I did say I fangirled). As a volunteer, I was given a group photo free of charge – which was amazing. So I sat there nervously as my favourite stars surrounded me. Next came the talks. I stood there and allowed people to use the microphone to ask the stars questions. The talks were brilliant, the cast members had many stories and memories to share and gave us an insight into what it was like working together.

Up next were autographs, the chance to get signatures from the cast members. I helped them, making sure that I had a good glance at Drew as he signed. (I did warn you). Before I knew it, the first day was over and it was time to go back to my room. I missed the party and meal afterwards because I did not have the money to purchase the ticket. I went home, happy, excited and in copious amounts of pain due to my fibromyalgia.

The next day I was late, partly because of my pain, partly because there was a run on and all the roads were closed. I quickly had my reshoot with Ivan and ran upstairs to have a photo with none other than Drew himself, before I started working again. Like the previous day, I worked the entire con. This time, I managed to interact with Brian and Holly and even got Jesse a cup of coffee. Time for another break, another set of talks and the final round of autographs.

I had purchased a miniature copy of the Book of Shadows and decided that I would get this signed. I chose the pages that were perfect and jumped the queues to get them done. (A perk!). Another perk of working was having a free autograph, so I chose Holly and got her to sign the inside of the book at the spell to invoke the powers. I even managed to get a hug from Drew, which made my day.

I was also fortunate enough to attend the Drew meet and greet. Boy, that was worth it. He was really down to earth and deep. He told us about the rejections and the hardships of working in film and television. And took the time to answer our personal questions. Another tick on the list. (LOL). But I thoroughly enjoyed it, it’s nice to know that they go through the same things we do on a daily basis, and that they do not give up. Thanks for inspiring me Drew.

The end of the convention was a sad time. It was saying goodbye to the friends that I had made that weekend, plus saying goodbye to these guests I have spent so many years alongside. The great news came that there would be another one next year – so I am already making plans, and keeping fingers crossed for certain cast members coming.

Overall, for being a first convention by Kitty, it was brilliant. A few hiccups to be expected but many people complimented about how it was, and the smoothness of most of it. I was really proud to be apart of the team and I cannot wait to be on board next year.

So, thank you Kitty, for putting on such a fantastic convention. And thank you guests for coming and meeting your fans.